The Lark's Fortune
by Shinrin no Yousei
Summary: "You're crying," Primrose states softly, but I keep on talking, not acknowledging what she said. "We're the fortunate ones." I smile. Warning: Major Character death. A painful look at Delly Cartwright, post-rebellion.


**The Lark's Fortune**

My mother is dead. I'll never hear her sing again when she twirls around the shop and mops the floor. I'll never watch her put on her favorite dress. I'll never listen to her telling funny stories she made up to make us laugh.

My father is dead. I'll never watch him work again. I'll never smell the scent of leather and polish on him when he kisses my cheek. I'll never feel safe, protected and sure of my future. Never hear him say, "You're my big girl now, aren't you?"

I wake up screaming. The scream echoes in my ear and I imagine it sounds like the screams that left my mother when she died in the fire. Did she have time to scream? Or...was it all over quickly? It's what I hope for. What I wish for. That my parents felt nothing. That they died happy, unassuming, quick. That their deaths didn't hurt them at least, when they will never stop hurting me, their daughter.

"What's it Dells?" Dev comes crawling from his own bed into mine. "Nightmare?"

 _'You've got to be strong, Dells,_ ' I hear my father say. _'You're all he has now. You can do it. I know you can.'_

My face breaks into a huge grin.

"Haha, you know what Dev? I think I saw a mouse with a red hat in the kitchen yesterday. Like the one in your favorite book. Why don't we search for it tomorrow? Maybe you can keep it as a pet? It'll be our little secret, what do you think?"

I'm not going to show Dev my pain. He has it worse, being only six years old. When he's my age, he'll not even remember what they looked like. We have no pictures left. They are all in my mind. They are almost none of the town people left. Only Peeta. Peeta Mellark is the only one left of my friends. No Jenny Midwell, Anna Green, Isa Ermitage. No Toby Swenn, Mike Lewe, Jack Indigo. Only Peeta and he has been tortured. He's not himself. They want me to help him, but I'm not sure what exactly they expect of me. The last years we hadn't been very close. But Dev and Peeta are the only ones left. Left of that life in District 12. I remember that Peeta was good at arts. Maybe...he remembers my parents? Maybe he can draw some portraits for Dev? I'll ask him tomorrow. Dev is already sleeping, cuddles against me and sighs deeply.

We have each other. That's more than most people have. It was just my luck that my father had sent me on an errand and Dev had been begging to come with. When I finished the errand we went to the meadow to pick up some flowers for Ma. Dev loved making her happy. Her smile was all that mattered to him. It was luck. Or destiny. I'll never know.

My little brother. So small. He's ten years younger than me. If he'd been reaped I couldn't have done anything for him, because I would have been too old to volunteer. He was, what my parents called, their little surprise. They hadn't planned on him. Already prepared me to take over the shoe business. When I turned fifteen my father took me aside and told me that he still wanted me to succeed him later.

 _'You're our big girl, aren't you Dells?'_ I hear him. I see him smiling at me, with those huge gentle eyes. Never did he scream at me, never went cross with us. He believed in me, even when I brought home less than stellar grades and teacher's reports that called me simple-minded or unable to concentrate on the important stuff.

"The only thing that's important is our family and the shop," he said, "And you know what? You'll be a fantastic shoe maker."

He really believed in me, my kind father. My parents loved me so much. It is my duty as well as my destiny to give back what they gave me to little Dev. I'll become Ma and Pa for him. He deserves it.

* * *

Katniss Everdeen musters me.

She's never so much as gave me the time of the day. I wasn't the most popular girl at school. Never one of the beauties, like gorgeous Madge Undersee. Or mysterious, graceful like her. Katniss is our hero. She's always been admired at school. Lonesome, kind - but dangerous. Boys really liked her. Even a few of the girls. Some Seam kids were bullied, but never Katniss. I remember sitting under the apple tree in the schoolyard, one day in summer, just shortly after our third reaping with the merchant kids from our class. I caught Mark Cyan tell Mike that he would love to go to the Slag Heap with Katniss Everdeen. All the boys laughed at that, commenting that Katniss would never go with an ugly troll like Mark, when she was obviously with Gale Hawthorne. Peeta had been blushing heavily, did not laugh, got up hurriedly and excused himself to go home to help his parents. I remember asking Mark what he and Katniss would do at that dirty place? The Slag Heap was not exactly made for hanging out like the Meadow or so. Everyone snickered at that, even my girlfriends, like Jenny.

"Oh, Dells," Mark said, obviously glad that their attention wasn't on him anymore, "Go play with your dolls, okay?"

Anna told Mark to stuff it and stop teasing me, but all of them still obviously thought me less mature. I came to know later what kids did at the Slag Heap. I felt a certain thrill at that though, a light tingle between my legs. People had sex there. Maybe Katniss went there with that handsome boy she always hung out with? I could just imagine that, they looked so good together. No boy ever showed any interest in me. I liked them all, like I liked my girlfriends. I could never have chosen one of them over the other, though. I liked them, but no one became special to me.

Now Katniss thinks I am special. I've never been that, why can't she see? Why can't she see herself for the wonder she is?

"You're a bit dense, aren't ya?" Johanna Mason tells me one day in the Cafeteria. I'm intimidated by this woman. She is very blunt. But I don't fault her. I've been called dense before, it's hardly an insult, there is certainly some truth in that statement.

"Katniss is jealous," Johanna says, "Cute, busty, blonde merchant girl, and Peeta has a hard-on for you. No wonder, she's pissed."

"Peeta loves Katniss," I say indignantly, trying to stare her down and ignoring that tingling between my legs, "How can you even say something like that?"

"It's true, little mouse," Johanna says, "Keep telling yourself otherwise, you seem to be good at ignoring reality."

What did she mean by that? I hadn't ignored reality. Never. I just try to make the best of it. My parents and friends are dead. I can only stay positive for Dev and help Peeta return to be the man that Katniss has fallen in love with. She's lost so much and she deserves him back. I never felt like Peeta saw me as something more than just a childhood friend. And why should he? He's been in love with Katniss all his life, it is not something you just leave behind. Still, Johanna's words leave me bewildered and strangely aroused. I try to read between the lines the next time I visit Peeta. He is looking better and better. He smiles at me when I come into the room, seems genuinely happy that I'm here.

One evening he tells me "I'm so glad you survived, Dells. I wouldn't know what to do...I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," I whisper and realize that his eyelashes are very blond, and so long. He's a very handsome boy and his heart is in the right place. He's been through horrible things and I know I can help him. Peeta grabs my hand and caresses my knuckles.

"Why don't you bring your brother next time?" he smiles at me, "Would love to see little Dev again. It seems like eternities since I last saw you two, walking past the bakery."

"I don't know," I say hesitantly, feeling kind of flustered. My heart is beating a bit faster and I feel like I'm doing something wrong here.

"I promise I won't hurt him," Peeta says gently and keeps caressing me. My nipples harden under that grey uniform we're all forced to wear here. I find myself looking at Peeta's chaffed lips - I think he needs a bit of vaseline or something to make them soft again.

Quickly I take my hand away. Peeta looks hurt. I don't want to hurt him, but feel some invisible line has been crossed tonight.

"I gotta go," I say and stand up quickly, "Uhm.."

"Why?" Peeta looks shocked, "You've only been here for a few minutes. Please stay. Do you remember when we played in your parents' attic, what was that game called again? Dells..Dells, wait."

I'm out of the door, my heart beating quickly. What was that? I see my reflection on one of the silver doors to my right. I'm blushing heavily and a few nurses look at me in sympathy.

No. No! I'm not going to fall for Peeta Mellark. He is not mine to love. He is not mine to care for. He is not mine at all.

I have Dev. More than most people. I will concentrate on Dev and building a new life here in District 13.

I ask Plutarch Heavensbee to be excused later that day. Tell him I need to concentrate on my brother and myself, that caring for Peeta is too much for me. He looks disappointed but agrees.

"You've done enough, Delly," he says and smiles kindly, while something inside of me mourns the day.

* * *

"Peeta's been asking for you," Primrose Everdeen stands before me in the Cafeteria. Katniss and her squad left for the Capitol today, to finally end this war and make history. I look up at Katniss' sister and smile.

Smiling at people. That's the only thing I'm good at anyway. "Okay," I say back, "Thanks for telling me." I concentrate on the stale bread and stew we cooked earlier. I work in the kitchen, they asigned me to this job when I came here.

Primrose sits next to me and I look at her, surprised. "You don't understand, Delly. He's been asking for you for days. Won't you go to him? He's been getting better, but now...I don't know what happened, or if he hurt you in some way, but he needs you. You're all he has left."

I shake my head. I feel horrible for abandoning Peeta, but just the thought of being near him is unbearable. I wanted to kiss him that day, tell him everything is going to be alright, that I would always be there for him, but I'm not allowed. I must quench these feelings before they become even the slightest bit stronger.

"I can look after Dev, if you're worried about your brother," Prim says, "He can play with Buttercup. Please don't worry, I'll keep him company all day if you like."

"That's not it," I whisper, "Dev is taken care of. That's not it."

Prim gives me a questioning look, "How are you, Delly? I mean, really, how are you? Did anyone ever ask you that?"

"I'm okay," I answer, "This is nothing. Look at Peeta. His whole family is gone. I'm so lucky. Really, I'm fortunate. I'm okay. More than okay. Lucky, I guess. I should be smiling, I have to smile. This is nothing. I love it here. Who wouldn't? We are all lucky, aren't we? We survived, we're healthy. This is our home now."

I know I'm rambling, but I cannot help it.

"You're crying," Primrose states softly, but I keep on talking, not acknowledging what she said.

"We're the fortunate ones," I smile.

* * *

"You can stay here or return to District 12. Or go wherever you want to go, it's your choice," a commander of District 13 tells me, three months later. "There is a hovercraft, flying to Twelve tomorrow, should I book you and your brother two seats?"

I stare at the man. We've been taken care of here in Thirteen. I worked in the kitchen, and while I didn't love it I knew what my job was and what I needed to to. My days had a structure and I lived according to schedule. Do I want to return to District 12?

"Miss?" the man urges. Do I want to see the destroyed home where my parents died? Do I want to live there?

"Okay," I answer, "Okay, yes. Let's go to Twelve." There is no one I can ask for direction. For advice. I am an adult and have to decide what's best for us. Dev is excited about the prospect.

"We'll see Ma and Pa again," he says, and I don't have the energy to tell him for the millionth time that District 12 isn't what it was before, and that our parents are dead. I think he never understood that anyway, but maybe seeing the old District will make him understand. I wonder if it is cruel to make him see it, but on the other hand it might be the only way to face reality.

And face reality we do. When we arrive in our old home there is almost nothing left. A few landmarks help us guess where our house was located. In the end it could be anywhere. We sit down in front of the pile of rocks that might've been the shoe shop and I hold Dev close. His cries echo against the ruins of our former life. After a while he stops and starts to play with the rubble, ignoring me, lost in a fantasy world.

 _'You're a big girl now, Dells,'_ I hear my father say in the distance.

"Delly?" I look up into the grey Seam eyes of a guy called Thom, whom I've been introduced to in Thirteen.

"Hello Thom," I smile at him, "You back, too?"

"Yes," he says, "T'is is home after all. And you, back in the shoe business?"

"I guess," I smile, "You might think this is stupid, but well..."

"Not stupid at all. I think it's great. We need people to come back. Only the brave ones do. Tell you what, we built up a makeshift tent town at the edge of the former hob. People live there for now. We'll get you and your brother a nice tent and then concentrate on rebuilding your shop. I'll personally look that it's a priority."

"Why?" I whisper. Why would he care? Why would anyone make a shoemaker priority?

"We need you," Thom insists and turns to Dev. "What do you say Dev? Maybe we can get you a lemonade in the canteen tent?"

"Lemonade?" Dev smiles a toothy grin, like his birthday came early. I could kiss Thom for being so kind. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to come back here.

* * *

The only people from the former Town of District 12 that returned to rebuild their business are me, my brother Dev and Peeta Mellark. He arrived at the end of Summer, buying a wheelbarrow at Thom's newly installed _Shop for Everything_ as we called it.

"For what?" Thom asked.

"Primroses," he answered, smiled gently and returned to the houses of the former Victor's Village.

* * *

One year later, I reopen the shoe shop. Thom rebuilt it first, like he promised. Peeta's bakery opens a few weeks later. More Refugees decide to contribute and make a living in the District. We get the most fundings from the Capitol because District 12 was entirely destroyed in the war. Only the Victor's Village remained.

A new friend, Lydia from the former District 8, tries on some shoes when Thom appears in the shop one afternoon and asks me if I'd like to go watch a movie that evening at the newly opened theatre. It's only an old classic from the Capitol, as film making wasn't exactly priority but at this point we're desperate for any kind of entertainment.

I refuse, as Dev needs help with his school work. He's a bit slow and behind on math, having had no education in the last year. I don't want him to be teased. I don't want people to call my little brother simple-minded, when I know he is a much brighter fellow than his sister.

Thom nods to himself, says goodbye, leaves. I hear Lydia sigh and I turn my attention to her.

"Do you need another size?" I ask, already thinking about ordering new leather for more shoes.

"No, but I have to say something, if you don't mind."

I shake my head, "Go ahead."

"You realize that Thom's been flirting with you for as long as I've been here, right? He wants you to be his girl, Delly. Please tell me that you know that."

Did I know that? Perhaps. Maybe. Thom is sweet and kind. He's a good guy. But there is something off, something I don't feel when I'm near him. I don't look at his lips, and my body doesn't react in any way to his presence. Whereas Peeta...

"I know, Lydia, I know," I say, "I just don't feel the same." Hoping she'll get the hint and stop teasing. I feel bad for rejecting Thom, time and time again. I suspect he thinks I only need time, time to get over the trauma that happened. I suspect he feels that if he is just patient I'll change my mind. I feel bad. He's been so sweet a big part of my life here in Twelve and Dev, he adores Thom.

 _'Delly Cartwright'_ a voice similar to Mark Cyan's whispers into my ear at night, _'Go play with your dolls.'_ I know I should take what is offered. I could do a lot worse.

Biting my lips I turn around to stare at the wall. _'He'll never look at you like this anyway,'_ Mark whispers. _'You're only little Dells, the childhood friend.'_ And who could ever compare with Katniss anyway?

Certainly not me.

Feeling guilty for even having such thoughts and not being happy with what I have.

We're the fortunate ones, after all.

* * *

"How's Katniss?" I ask Peeta on a hot July afternoon, five years later. This heat is killing me and in the bakery it is almost unbearable, reminding me of the worst days in the kitchen of Thirteen when the air conditioning had stopped working, because of the bombs.

"Oh, Delly," Peeta says, worrying lines around his eyes, "She's not feeling so good. The heat is getting to her. We called her mother, but it's not clear if she'll come."

I shake my head. Mrs. Everdeen has never returned. The loss of Primrose hurt too much.

"She surely realizes that Katniss needs her now," I respond, feeling quite worried myself. I think, I never saw Katniss as anything but invincible. Almost otherworldly.

Peeta looks dejected, "I'm not so sure about that," he answers. I want to help him, do something for him.

"Why don't you go home?" I ask, "I'll look after the bakery for the rest of the day."

"What?" he responds, "But what about your shop?"

"I don't think buying shoes is a priority today," I smile. "Go home to your wife, she needs you."

"Thank you, Dells," he groans, "You're an angel." I feel warmth wrap around my heart.

"Take whatever you want later. Cake, muffins whatever," he says, already halfway out the door.

"I'm sure Dev will love them," I say, but Peeta is gone, leaving me behind.

* * *

Katniss Everdeen died in her home, during childbirth, 24 years after she was born.

Peeta didn't return the next day to open the bakery and I was worried, so I decided to go to the Victor's Village. What I saw there was something I never would forget, until my dying day.

Katniss dead in a bed of blood, a deadly pale Peeta at her side, holding a tiny wrinkled baby in his arms. When he saw me, he only smiled.

"Thank you Delly," he said, "You saved the life of our daughter."

"What?" I asked, too shocked to really comprehend what he said.

"If I hadn't gone home early, I would have lost them both," he smiled at the baby, while tears run down his cheeks, "I would have lost them both. I got to talk to her, one last time. Thank you, Delly."

I went down to the telephone to call the District Doctor. I don't know how long Peeta had been sitting with his dead wife. Why he hadn't called for help. I suspect Katniss didn't let him go, in her last moment. Wanting to spend the last minutes of her life with him. Tears formed in my eyes. I had to get out of there. Had no right to be here, intruding.

So I ran.

* * *

After that July morning, I try to avoid Peeta, feeling a great amount of illogical guilt about Katniss' death. About my feelings for Peeta, that I had been hiding away since District Thirteen. It feels like I killed her somehow, through feeling this way for her husband. That it is my fault. I'm being irrational. What an arrogant person would think like that, make this tragedy about themselves? I can barely look in the mirror.

One day, a few weeks later, he is standing in the store, baby wrapped against his chest.

"Hey," I say, lowering my eyes. For some reason, I cannot look at him. "You're right on time, we just got a new set of shoes." Inwardly I curse myself. You don't say something like this to a lifelong friend who lost his wife.

"Dells," he says, "Please, I'm here to apologize. I know you've been avoiding me."

"What?" I look up into his eyes.

"What happened was... I never once came back to check up on you. You had to see us like this, all that blood and me...like this. And I left it to you to clean up my mess by calling for help. I tell you how sorry I am for that. I was in shock."

"Don't worry," I whisper, "Don't worry about me."

"I want to officially introduce you," he says gently, "Won't you come here and say hello to my daughter?"

"Okay," I say and come over to them. The baby turns her head slowly. She still has that unfocused look of a newborn, blue eyes and raven hair.

"Ray, this is Delly," Peeta says, "Delly meet Ray."

"Ray?" I ask, confused. Isn't that more of a boys name?

"Like Ray of Sunshine," Peeta says, "Katniss named her that."

"Oh," I whisper, "Hello Ray. I knew your mother. She was extraordinary."

Ray makes a gurgling baby sound.

"Do you want to hold her?" Peeta asks.

"No," I say, "That's alright." I don't want to get too close. This is not my family.

Peeta looks a bit disappointed, but doesn't pressure me.

"Will you come over someday? Maybe tomorrow? Everyone but Haymitch has been making themselves sparse. I am so lost. It's almost as if I'm being that hijacked mutt from Thirteen again, that crazy monster nobody wants to talk to."

I shake my head. I can't.

"I'm busy," I say, hating the sound of my own voice.

"Please," he begs, his voice nearly breaking. "Bring Dev. I'll make dinner. Please."

He's crying.

I'm crying.

No, I cannot do this.

"Okay," I press out, even though I know this is a bad idea, even though I know I have no right to this, to them.

* * *

Peeta is obviously overburdened with taking care of a newborn all by himself. His house is a mess. Dirty dishes piling up, laundry all over the place, and I doubt he or anyone cleaned the house since Katniss' death, nearly three months ago. He's opened the bakery again this week but quickly realized he wasn't able to get any work done when Ray was with him. Hesitantly I ask about Katniss' mother, but she hasn't returned to the District since her daughter's funeral.

"I'm honestly afraid for her," Peeta tells me, "That she came back to Twelve for the funeral is a miracle. She's living in a group home, that's the last I heard. Suicidal."

He tells me, that he can't leave Ray alone or look after a babysitter for the girl.

"I can't do that to her," he says, and I don't know if he means Katniss or Ray. Once more I'm aware I shouldn't do this, but I cannot watch Peeta collapse. First things first I tell him. Even if everyone has abandoned him, I'm still his oldest friend. No matter what my feelings are I cannot leave him alone in his time of need. That I haven't been there for him in the last three months is shameful enough.

Cleaning his house, doing the laundry, washing the dishes. These are just little things I do for him, while he finds the much needed sleep. Taking care of Ray when he's sleeping is as easy as tying a pair of shoelaces. It's as inevitable to fall in love with the girl, as it was falling in love with her father. Dev declares himself older brother immediately. He's mature for his age, and dotes on Peeta's daughter.

I'm fixing dinner for us one evening at our house, with Peeta and Ray being our guests, when Dev comes home red faced, looking as if he'd cried.

"What's the matter?" I ask worriedly but he just shakes his head, and grumbles "Leave me alone." He doesn't appear for dinner when I call him and I look at Peeta, confused.

"First signs of puberty?" Peeta smiles at me.

"Might be so," I answer. Some days Dev doesn't want to be seen with me on the streets. I have no idea why, and he doesn't tell me.

"Would you talk to him?" I ask, thinking it might be a male problem and Peeta nods. He hands over Ray and leaves the kitchen, his look eager. It's obvious he seemingly wants to repay me in some way, even if that's not necessary.

After a while they both appear in the kitchen and Dev apologizes for being cold.

"Won't you tell me what happened?" I ask.

"It's not a big deal," Dev answers, "I wrote an essay at school. About what I want to be when I grow up. Let's just say it wasn't well received."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I love taking care of Ray. So I thought that I might be a teacher or some...kind of nanny or something. Well, they didn't like that."

"Who?" I ask, still confused. Who would care about that?

"Others," he says reluctantly, "Said that a dumb kid like me could never be a teacher."

"Oh," I say, not sure how to react. He's not dumb. Why do the other kids have to be so mean?

He goes to bed and while I do the dishes, Peeta stands next to me to dry.

"Dells, I know it's none of my business, but you gotta stand up for yourself," he says slowly.

"What do you mean?" I ask, shocked.

"You're the sweetest and kindest person I know. And I know better than anyone, how strong you are," Peeta says and I feel my cheeks burn at the compliment.

"But others...perceive that as a weakness," he sighs, "It's a cruel world we live in."

"A weakness?" I whisper. What does that mean?

"All I'm trying to say is that you have a heart of gold. But don't let others take advantage of that," he says and then stops, "I'm ridiculous, ain't I? I'm criticizing and I also do take advantage."

"You're not," I disagree, "You ask for help and I give it to you, because you're my friend. You would do the same for me, I'm sure."

He nods. "I would, Dells. I definitely would."

* * *

We sit on his veranda in the Victor's Village, watching a pair of dragonflies chasing each other. Ray has fallen asleep against my breasts. I feel a weird sense of wanting to breastfeed her, although my breasts have never lactated. I caress her soft hair and wonder if I'll ever have a baby myself.

"You know," Peeta says suddenly, "Katniss died of a condition that is called toxemia, or something. I'm not entirely sure, I wasn't really listening. Everything is so hazy around that day."

"I'm sorry," I say, because I am.

"They said there was nothing I could've done," he pauses for a while, "Nothing. The Doctor could've done nothing. The only way she could've been saved would've been if we lived next to the hospital in the Capitol. Well, they made sure she couldn't leave the District. She had been so afraid, during pregnancy. That something would happen to our baby."

I stay silent.

"Sometimes I get so angry I want to go to the Capitol and kill everyone that decided that Katniss had to stay here. And then I wish someone would murder me, because I got Katniss pregnant in the first place. I killed her. It's not the fault of the Government, it's mine."

"That's not true," I say. I'm such a simpleton. I never know what exactly to say in these situations.

"Katniss loved you so much. She loved your baby. I've never seen her more happy than during her pregnancy," I try to soothe his hurt with the truth. She was so beautiful. Everyone looked up to her.

"She really did glow," he whispers, "My love..."

I avert my eyes, when I see he is crying.

* * *

Winter comes and goes. Katniss' day of death, and Ray's first birthday comes and goes. Life goes on.

* * *

I get called into school one day, Dev got into trouble with another classmate. It's almost daily that he's been in fights. He waits outside while I talk to the teacher. A man in his forties whose gaze makes me uncomfortable and I have no idea why.

He tells me I have to be more strict with Dev.

"I know you're not his mother, Miss Cartwright," he says, "I know, it must be hard. But for boys this age, they need more discipline than you are able to give."

"Are you saying, I'm too soft on him?" I ask, shocked. I'm not sure how I could ever punish my little brother. He's been nothing but a good boy at home.

"What I'm saying is, that he needs a male authority figure in his life. You are not able to give him that, at this point."

I stare at the man, confused. I don't get what he's trying to tell me and feel like I am not in on the joke. Like back then, at the apple tree. He doesn't look me in the eye, when he continues in a bored voice.

"It's not proper, to live alone with a boy that age in a shop like yours," he leers at me, "I think you need a man in that house."

Everything inside me screams to get out of here, but my face does the opposite. I smile at the man. _Always be kind to people, Delly._

"Thank you for taking the time in your busy day to talk to me," I say, and my voice is trembling, "But I got to get back to the shop now."

I almost forget to take my purse, I am out of the room that fast.

* * *

We spend New Years together in Peeta's House. Haymitch Abernathy joins us for dinner and grog and then returns home, in a sullen mood. He looks worse each year and I wonder how long he is going to live, although I don't mention any of my thoughts to Peeta.

"We should go too," I say to Peeta and Ray, "It's getting late."

"Not go, Mama," Ray whines and I freeze.

Everyone stares at her. Peeta, Dev, and me. Never have I told Ray to call me Mama. She always called me Delly or Dells.

Her face changes, the first signs of a crying fit. I kneel down on the rug and go to face level with her.

"I'm not your Mama," I say gently, "Your Mama is Katniss, remember?"

"Katniss, yaya," Ray giggles, "Not go Dells an' Dev."

"We have to," I whisper and get up quickly.

Almost pushing Dev outside, I give Peeta an apologetic look. He just smiles sadly and they both wave at us as we're leaving in the dark.

"Why don't we move in with them?" Dev asks on the way home.

"Why should we?" I counter back. I'm impatient to get home and get to sleep. New Years is a busy time for merchants.

"Well, Ray thinks you're her mother and it's the logical thing to do. We're like family either way."

"No, it's not logical at all," I respond coldly. I'm nervous and on the edge. And I can guess why that is. Peeta is probably already thinking on how to get rid of me now. I never wanted this. Never wanted to become a mother figure to Ray, because I knew it would hurt Peeta.

"Is it because Peeta doesn't want you?" Dev asks and I stop in my tracks.

"What did you say?" I whisper, even though I understood every word.

"Oh come on, Delly," he says gently, "You've been in love with Peeta for years. Everyone knows."

"Who is everyone?" I yell, "What are you talking about?"

It's the first time I remember ever being angry. That cannot be healthy.

Dev looks perplexed as if he's seeing me for the first time.

"Everyone is everyone. The whole District. They knew since you've rejected Thom. You remember? Everyone knew, everyone. They think you've been seducing Peeta since even before Katniss died. And I get the brunt of it at school. That's why I am in fights so often. I try to protect you, you dumb idiot."

I throw up on the street. I never felt so hurt in my life, hurt by what he said, what everyone thinks of me and what an obvious idiot I've been. But mostly because Katniss must've known and was only ever kind to me. How could I ever think I could have a future with Peeta? I destroyed everything. I sob and spit and Dev is calling my name and suddenly I feel faint. Everything blackens and I pass out.

* * *

When I come to I'm in the little practice of the District Doctor. I hear someone talking on the phone about a nervous breakdown and that they ask if there is vacancy for a young woman at some sort of clinic. And then I realize they are talking about me.

Peeta appears with a sleeping Ray in his arms. I smile at him.

"Hey there," I say gently, "I didn't mean to worry you. I have no idea what's wrong with me."

"I do," he says, "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It took a long time to come out, and you're the best at fooling people, Dells. But you've been through hell and back and no one ever helped you through this. You need therapy. I always wanted to ask you to go...but I've been selfish. I wanted you by my side more. I've been playing with your health. It's despicable. Can you forgive me?"

"It's not your fault, Peeta," I say.

"I've talked to my therapist, Dr. Aurelius," he says, "He is willing to help you for a few weeks, if that's okay with you?"

"Move away?" I ask hesitantly. But then I realize that the only thing that keeps me in this stupid District is my brother and he can easily come with. I don't even care about the shoe business. I don't want to stay there.

"Temporarily," Peeta answers.

"Will you be okay on your own?" I can't help but worry about him.

"Of course," he says, "I'll look after your house while you're gone. Maybe visit you when you feel like it?"

"I'd love that," I say and I mean it. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Get healthy, Dells," he whispers. "And then we'll talk."

* * *

Dev and me move to District 4, where Dr. Aurelius owns a huge seaside clinic. Trauma survivors receive therapy and help here. I finally feel free. I never realized how much District 12 restricted me. I never even wanted to return there, I just did because people asked me to do it. All my life, all I did was a means to please people. My parents firstly and then Dev. I never became a real parent to him, because I was too focused on making him happy, to keep him from harm. Later I focused on Peeta and Ray so I didn't have to think of myself. I wasn't able to stand up for myself and people took advantage of that. That was what Peeta had been trying to tell me in the kitchen, but I didn't see. I couldn't see that I needed to assert myself more and that I had a right to be angry and mean and communicate my limits to people. It wouldn't make them love me less, that's what I needed to learn.

After several weeks Dr. Aurelius lets me leave the Hospital. Dev and I have decided not to return to District 12. We sell the shoe shop and start anew here in District 4, moving in next to Annie Cresta and her son, who I remember from District Thirteen. We live at a peaceful house near the beach and I find employment in one of the seafood restaurants in town. I like to cook and the jobs is right up my alley.

One evening, I decide to walk along the ocean to get to my house. Dev is with some friends. He's been settling in. His new school has better teachers. Our life begins to calm down and I feel myself relaxing. I still go to therapy two times a week. I need to change certain patterns and this can only be done with something that is called behavior therapy. I do my best, but can't deny it is hard to face the darker moments of life.

I search for little shells to make a necklace, when I hear a familiar voice piping up, "Delly-Mama."

Looking up I see Ray and Peeta skipping in my direction, through the sand.

Ray throws herself into my arms.

"Miss' you, Delly-Mama," she laughs into my ear and kisses my cheek.

"Missed you too, Sunshine," I half-laugh, half-cry, glancing over her shoulder at her father, who is coming towards me with a look of love on his kind face.

I smile.

Being the fortunate one, after all.


End file.
